what's it now

Things are different now that classes have resumed and I have been back here for some time--I've readjusted to a certain degree. The feeling, that I have been feeling, is not what one which would typically be called depression. In fact, I lack the capacity to describe this feeling fully in the words of the everyday common language we as humans have created to give meaning to things.

Around mid-day yesterday, I learned that I was not one the individuals selected by the State Department who be 'lucky' enough to intern in Côte d'Ivoire. Part of their response is as follows: "The Department's intern program is a highly competitive one. Over 6,040 applications were received for Summer 2007 internships. Unfortunately, you were not selected for an internship for this session." So alas, now I am going to seek other summer opportunities abroad. My ideal preference would be to go somewhere within this globe in order to interact with and observe non-traditional cultures typically unknown to the Western world.

lone star greyed: resume = the list of things you have personally done to 'better' peoples' lives
lone star greyed: thats one definition
quyHAC: other people's?
quyHAC: peoples'
lone star greyed: peoples' as in somebody else's
lone star greyed: could be a group of people society views as underprivileged, could be lining the pockets of a corporation and your former boss

depression hits home

In the early hours of morning when sleep is considered standard fare, I am awake. A sense of dread, or downright depression rather, at the prospects of a monotonous life back in the states has hit me. It feels as though the people here haven't changed in so much as I myself feel to have. Discussions with them bring forth the standard lines of thought I have heard before, lowered ambitions not my own, ethnic inequalities, and a greater lust for material culture which I have been away from for such a long time. True, there are many hardships that need changing in this country, but they are not as blatantly apparent on a daily basis as in my previous environment.

In a few days, I will have returned to Houston--to my family and friends in a place called home. Though there is the sense of joy that will undoubtfully come at this reunion, there will be something missing.

Perhaps I am too quick to judge again. There is still time after all.